Can you Really live in the Moment?

Most of my life, I have been told - stop and smell the roses, just live it day by day.
With events in my life happening, I was getting much better at that. Although I still wondered how I would pay the bills next month, or thought about someone's upcoming birthday; I was much better at just enjoying the day for the day. Or was I?
With skeletons in my closet, I had worked through and discarded a lot of things that got me to where I was - the freedom to be the real me, without hang ups, guilt, shame - but discovered over the last year that I still hung on to some of those old thoughtframes and mindsets. Like peeling back the layers of an onion, I found a deeper core or meaning to what was holding me back to be the true spirit that I am inside.
I mean, there are some physical restraints, you need food and water and such but I found that once I started UNcluttering both my physical, and emotional world - some clarity came forth about the magic of the moment. Living in the day.
I was a worrier to a degree - what if? But was getting to the point where - it's not going to be a problem today - so lets not even go there. I used to say or do - ohhh but I DID that.. Oh well? it's done now. If you can't undo it, change it, or re-create it, then you need to leave it where it was and discard it and perhaps even use the experience as a lesson for the next time you need it.
As I reach an age of maturity, where I was looking to really find out why I felt I "couldn't" be who I am and felt held back and cloistered from the true me expression - I began this process of being honest, examining my wants in the here and now. Short term goals ...sure... even some long time dreams but nothing that would stop me from enjoying the moments that I have at the moment.
Its hard to express really what that means but as I was looking for clarity and asking for it within, I got a good dose.
Life was stressful, busy, and I had projects on go all over the house (uncluttering the physical), basement floods, concrete problems, work related projects and problems, teenagers, relationships on all degrees. But I tried to enjoy each moment for what it was or at the very least, take the experience of mopping up flooded basements as an exercise in patience after the fact.
My life was changing, my attitude was moving along, I was becoming much more positive and I felt more confidence and faith in myself, knowing that I would do the "right" things as they needed to be done and when they arose.
July 9th, 2007 - I found a lump in my right breast whilst having a shower. Suddenly, I was forced to not live anywhere BUT the moment. I had to take steps, make plans, arrange appointments in the physical world but my mind was constantly IN THE MOMENT of what I was doing. I had to focus on just the one thing at a time or I would go crazy. My day planner filled up with obligations, scans, dr's, biopsies, and eventually a right radical mastectomy for starters.
Each moment became A moment. Experiences that had never been had before. So that waking up each day was a brand new moment. Waking up with a smile - oh no pain today - time to get up and get ready for work and enjoying the process in a way that allowed me NOT to worry, or fret about this test or that test. And then experiencing each of these moments for what they were and trying to keep up with the whirlwind journey around me.
I think of this living in the moment today, because now - undergoing chemotherapy sometimes is like living in the second. I am searching my heart and spirit today to find this moment, to get through some of the trials of today and to experience the effort it takes to even write it all down. It's amazing, the thoughts flow, the memories flourish, the treatment is ongoing and I am focused on typing, finding a way to express this moment - one that is allowing me freedom and comfort and away to continue uncluttering all the "other stuff" that is attached to malignant stage 3 aggressive breast cancer.
Am I ready or preparing for death? Not really although the thoughts have been quite prevalent over the last few months. I am getting through today, and appreciating the moments though and being fully in each one of them. Dying is not on my agenda today, so typing, writing, meditating, and taking care of my body while it tries to heal is.